A Chocobo & A Turk
by Enbi-chan
Summary: Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin’ redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken’, foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body. Mention of Suicide & MPreg
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** Don't own FFVII and if i did, Reno and Cloud would fuck every chance they got.

**Warnings:** Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC  
You've been warned.

**Author's Note: **Right, so this is the prologue explaining Reno's little... issue. It was a thought that popped up in my head and wouldn't leave me alone.

Also, i'm up for ideas because i'm running a little short for this fanfic. The more ideas. The more updates!

ThankJoo!!

**Summary:** "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

**A** C H O C O B O & **A** T U R K

**

* * *

  
C **H A P T E R : **P** R O L O G U E

**M** A K 0 & **J** 3 N 0 V A C 3

Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk?

Well... Pretty damn low, is what.

I mean, I've killed so many freakin' people., that I could goddamn well throw 'em in a pool and probably be swimming in them. I've probably pissed off so many more. Half the freakin' population would rejoice after hearing that I'm dead. Hell, I've screwed so much shit up, that Tseng was startin' to make Rude carry a fucking video recorder! And for fuck's sake, I've slept with so many goddamn people that I can proudly call myself a male slut and it wasn't just for the job, ya'know.

I'm goin' to Hell.

But I'll tell ya another thing. Sitting here at that crappy ass Cloud 'home-made monument' on the outskirts of the freakin' city with a switchblade in my hand is probably the lowest I've ever gotten', yo. I'm definitely goin' to hell now.

I'm a bad person, I goddamn well know that and here I am, at the freakin' lowest point in my whole miserable and godforsaken life.

Killin' myself over someone as stupid as that fuckin' hero.

I lied though… it ain't stupid to me… for a goddamn moment he was the most important person in my whole freakin' life. He still is, that stupid blond haired shit.

Sad thing is though, I got myself in a situation that fucked me right over. I mean sure, I've been in a lot of shit before and hell, always made it out alive, right?… but I dragged Cloud in this one and we didn't exactly come back the way we were dragged in…. ya'know.

And let's top it off with everyone hatin' my fucking guts. Cloud's gang of homos want my head mounted on the wall of that bar, s'pecially the big breasted one.

Damn could she pack a fuckin' punch… my jaw still kinda hurts after that fucking meeting, I wouldn't be fuckin' surprised if she broke it. I can tell you one thing, Rude's got one hell of a girl. Well, that's if he ever get's his bald ass over there and asks that bitch who almost broke my jaw, but hey, damn mako enhanced cells are awesome at times like those.

And ya'know, Rufus is off his damn top as well, fuckin' goin' as far as putting fuckin' bounties on my head! That sneaky little presidential bastard abusin' his fuckin' power like that. Tch, I was getting bored of the regular Turk work anyway.

But hey, looks like I'm once more the homeless orphan I was a couple years back, jus' this time I'm being chased and gunned down ev'rywhere I fuckin' go. So, there was only one place left to go, and here I am. Leaning against that stupid sword of his and trying to get enough goddamn balls to fucking stop the chase… cause I'm getting a little tired, yo. Runnin' only takes you so far and I guess this is the farthest and I'm 'bout to stop.

Besides, I told ya, I'm goin' to hell… so suicide will only guarantee me that one-way ticket, right?

But I kinda wanted for that spiky haired shit to at least know how much I loved him. Yeah, that's right, I loved that blonde haired Hero, if ya got a problem with it, I'd tell you to shove it up your hair ass but what's the point, eh? Wait for about half an hour and you won't have to deal with my shit anymore.

So that's why I'm writing the shortest fucking biography known to man 'bout the infamous Reno.

In my fuckin' head.

What's there to tell 'bout my childhood… or lack of should I say. I was beaten, stole, whored, swore, smoked, drank, was raped, homeless, poor and stupid like shit. 'Nough said about that.

Mom was a damn coke whore… guess I turned out to be a split image of her, but with a penis, lack of drugs and a wonderful vocabulary of colorful words.

So when I was 'bout 7 mom died, or left, remarried, or just didn't feel like commin' home to me ever again, so there I was, the beginning of my ending is what they say, right?

Then I met Rude when I was 'bout 17, maybe? Forgotten when my Birthday was… but like I said, I met the bald black guy after some shit head used and abused my sorry ass… literally. Guess he took a liking to me after seeing me almost, keyword, 'almost' kick his ass in a fit of rage… I was goddamn close too ya'know and I was hurt, so imagine what I could have done to that ass of his if I was at the top of my game.

But Rude's always been there watching my back and I'd do the same for him. He was my partner, my best friend… and who knew that I met him half naked in an alley, eh?

He took me down to Shin'Ra and asked if I wanted a job as a Turk. Hell, any other job sounded great besides whoring myself around… and the pay wasn't that bad either! So being the dumb shit I was, I accepted. Got myself injected with a fuck load of mako, sent through hell of a training and boot camp and I became a Turk, pretty damn proud of my job… well, 'was' pretty damn proud should I say. 'Cause I doubt I'm a fucking Turk now if I got bounties and shit on my head.

Damn I hate remembering my past shit like this as much 'fun' as if fuckin' is. I'm just being sour… or maybe its all the alcohol that's gone up to my head.

But I guess I should just fuckin' skip up to what really fucked up my life and the spiky haired shit's, eh? But first a little background info.

So I got a thing for blondes alright and I swing both ways, as longs as it gives me all the free beer I want and a good fuck, I'm go.

And then I meet Chocobo at the church with that chick, Aerith, I mean, the guy was fuckin' gorgeous! And the blonde shit of a hero grew on me after e'vry fuckin' meeting.

Yeah, yeah, maybe there was a certain degree of 'like' I had for him, but I didn't think that my little crush would end up fucking me over .

Look at him! He was a fucking sex god! With his pale skin that smelled like musk and oranges with a tang of blood, his blue mako eyes, the blonde hair, well toned body and-fuck. I'm getting fuckin' carried away and I don't wanna get a fuckin' hard on at a time like this! Fuckin' Chocobo head…

And here's a fucking secret, don't tell the guy's at Shinra Reno or you're going to be fucked… but e'vry time me and Chocobo fought, I swear to fucking god there were more physical touching than skull bashing… it was kinda like a silent mutual agreement not to beat each other to a bloody fuckin' pulp and believe me, I bet you me and Cloud could of went at if for fuckin' days if there wasn't some shit always interrupting us, like fucking bombs, collapsing building, shit even the ground fucking collapsing in!

I miss him…

Then I got orders to blow up sector seven… ironic, I grew up at that fuckin' place. But orders were orders an' a Turk who couldn't carry out their fuckin' shit was then declared useless and hey… once yer a Turk, you're always a Turk and the only way to get out of it is being killed by the bad guys or being killed by your previous partners.

So I hooked up the bomb… and Rude swore that I was crying, damn bald shit didn't know what he was seeing I was setting up a fuckin' bomb for shiva's sake, if I was crying I could've fucked some shit up and blew me and the res' of the Turks up!

Damn did I get my ass fucking pounded after seeing Cloud… he was furious and I was fucking terrified. Hell, anyone would be scared shitless if an ex-SOLDIER with Mako and Jenova cells pumping through their veins wanted to castrate you and shove the remains of your nuts down your throat. but… honestly….

I let the fucking Hero kick my ass and lemme tell you, it fuckin' hurt!

I was left in the hospital an' was declared bedridden… little shits pumped sedatives in me like there was no tomorrow… probably cause of the little fit I was throwing when I got there… they were trying to shove a goddamn tube down my throat! If I said I wanted shit down my throat I would've sucked off a doctor instead, dammit!

And might I add, I verbally traumatized a nurse… and kinda punched the doctor in the nuts for trying to strip me of what clothes I had left… little fuckers shouldn't have messed with me then!

But it wasn't that bad yo.

I got a visit from Chocobo when Rude and Elena were switching guard duty… ya'know… the fifteen minute break in between for coffee and shit. So that was probably the first time I apologized to anyone. God, I sounded so pathetic, I knew it! But I'm blaming it on all the drugs they had me on, couldn't think straight.

But fuck, I think Cloud told me I said sorry at least a million times before I was rendered unconscious yet a fuckin' again.

Think he forgave me?

Hell no.

We fought two more times after that… and lemme-well… actually… dammit, never mind. The first time I saw that little blonde haired fucker I gave him some BS excuse 'bout me being off duty… which was true by the way, then the second time we had our little get together, he refused to fight and ditched us! Man was I a fuckin' happy out of my mind. Well… Elena looked like she wanted to have a go… but me and Rude were more than thankful… 'sides Cloud and that little group of his sparring a battle only let us barely make it out alive.

So here's where I tell ya about those whole mini Sephiroth incident. Naw, you probably already know about it, it was only flashing on the news for a month. If you don't … then where the fuck were you?!

Pfft.

Cloud was cured of his Geostigma… and I was glad for him. Went to go celebrate, brought some special alcoholic beverages, from my own little stash too and me and Chocobo go beyond shit faced.

Bang.

Next thing you know, I'm waking up in bed with Cloud-fucking-Strife clingin' to me like a damn pillow. Shiva, what I wouldn't give to be able to remember a night like that…

Apparently, the blonde shit didn't remember either, kicked me out the second he saw me… had to wait there for five fuckin' minutes until he threw my clothes out the door to me. Uptight little shit. Guess I was disappointed a bit… I mean, I slept with the man I had this itsy little crush on, I was beyond happy until I saw his mortified face. Guess that was one hell of a mistake.

So that's how me and Cloud's barely friendship ended.

Dramatic ain't it?

Weeks passed and as if life couldn't get in worse after my big ass rejection I started getting a little sick, ya'know? Dizzy spells, Stomach pains, throwi' up every damn morning… Thought it was the stomach virus and took a few weeks off, just so I could ride it out… thing was. It didn't. Rude for worried and the smart little shit called the fucking hospital.

So what I had was the cause of this whole fucked up ordeal.

I was fucking pregnant.

Go-fucking-figure.

I guess… that was the only moment in my life when I was both fucking confused, terrified and disgusted. Guess I didn't believe the fucking doctor till he fucking showed me the pregnancy test and made me fuckin' do it again.

Yeah,

I was out cold for two bloody hours.

But when I fuckin' woke up, who was I with? Hojo's equally insane fucked up assistant!! Strapped to a metal examination table with shit stuck in me and just about every surface of the floor had some mechanical device beeping and printing shit.

Guess this is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

But that's not the worst of it… just because the Jenova cells fucked with my anatomy, the fucking quack automatically assumed that I was bearing a little sephy Jr in me. Hell, he even got papers to prove his theory the insane fucker. They wanted to exterminate both I and the fucking baby. The baby because it had the fucking potential to grow up into a homicidal mania and me just because I was a fucking guy, got knocked up and was simply carrying the fucking baby.

What I do?

Fucking bolted my ass out of there the moment I got.

Now it ain't fun runnin' down the street in nothing but a medical gown, but eventually I made it to Seventh Heaven. Once I got there… I was greeted with Tifa's fist.

Told me Cloud got taken away for being a danger and with me.

Apparently I was now officially the new bad guy.

Thought I should wrong some rights and ran my ass back there. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Rude most likely, 'unintentionally' left the key in the door, Elena 'accidentally' dropped my laundry next to it and if I could, I woulda kissed Tseng for 'inadvertently' placing his weapons on the desk not two feet away.

I love 'em all. You gatta hand it to 'em, they're my family.

Busted Cloud's happy ass out of there, with or without a few new injuries and went our separate ways after he screamed at me for a good ten fucking minutes. Damn broke me heart and i'm not being sarcastic about it either.

Told me that I fucked his life when he was just about got it on track, that him sleeping with me was the biggest mistake he's ever made. I was fucked up. Inconsiderate… Told me if Zack was here he'd say the same things.

Low blow… bringing Zack in the conversation.

Too bad Cloud doesn't remember his training days… we woulda had fun talking about the past.

So that's where this all leads me to here… Thought it was pretty ironic yo… that stupid ShinRa was going to kill me and here I am, killing my self and the little parasite that's living in me anyway. Couldn't help but laugh at this moment… and cry.

* * *

ALRIGHT. You know the drill. RATE, RATE, RATE, and leave comments please.

But on a side note, this is my first FFVII fanfic and to top another one off, first Mpreg one.  
So forgive me if it utterly sucks.


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer**: Don't own FFVII and if i did, Reno and Cloud would fuck every chance they got.

**Warnings**: Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC  
You've been warned.

**Author's Note**: "I'm a nightmare, a disaster!!" Lmao, I found my old Simple Plan CD and have been listening to me against the world nonstop. Ah, the old days make me giggle with glee and combust with inspiration. Yeah, I'm one of those people that HAVE to listen to a song to help influence her mood otherwise I'm just… crap infested.

And guess what, I added a little twist in this chapter. Perhaps a behind the scenes ZackxReno? Mwuhahahaha.

I luff Zack, he was the awesomeness. I was just randomly on Youtube and I ended up finding the ending scene to Crises Core, poor Zack… for those who haven't played that game I suggest you do. It'll make you fall in love with Final Fantasy all over again… in my case Reno, but I can't help it, Reno fan all the way. But being half Asian I got the game in Japanese. Sexy voice actors, sexy Reno voice squee And Cloud's scream at the end when Zack finally kicked the bucket wasn't as retarded.

**Summary**: "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

**(V) IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD READ BELOW. (V)  
**" _Italics are used for flash back refferences and shit like that, got it memorized? _"

**A** C H O C O B O & **A** T U R K

* * *

**C **H A P T E R : **O** N E

**S** U L K I N G & **R** E T R I B U T I O N

Call me uncompassionate or just plain fucked up… but to be bluntly honest, pushing the trigger and watching Sector 7 get annihilated was nothing compared to how freaking terrified I am now.

That's fucking right.

Ace Turk, Reno Sinclair is scared shitless.

Why? Because he couldn't just slit his wrists and be done with it, that's fuckin' why.

It's funny, really.

You'd think that a Turk that wouldn't hesitate to shoot a kid in the head would have the balls to end his own damn existence, hilarious isn't it, that my hands are shaking to the point I think I would miss my fucking arm if I tried slashing at it. My hands haven't shook like this in a fuckin' while.

I thought I'd die with a big bang, ya'know? Something people would remember me for, either it be the entire city or just my family of Turks… but I suppose the thought of being forgotten fuckin' pisses me off. I didn't want to be another hunk of flesh thrown into some incinerator, but I suppose with all the shit I've done, it be better if I was forgotten.

_"That girl… She said that the sky frightened her…"_

Zack.

Pfft. To think I'd start having fucking flashbacks before I kicked the damn bucket.

But still, I couldn't help but slap a smirk on my face, Zack Fair, the damn bastard who was so uptight about being a Hero. He certainly wasn't forgotten, after all, Cloud was his living fucking legacy, right? The blonde had some of Zack's quirks that just made me chuckle when I thought about it.

Perfect.

I'm laughing right before I off myself, I really am fucking insane.

"_He's… my living legacy…" Zack murmured, eyes closed as he shifted his head toward me._

_I stood there, my polished boots stepping into the puddle of blood as I stared down at him. Faintly I heard Rude gruffly shouting in the Chopper, telling Elena that we needed medical attention immediately, but just looking at Zack, I knew that all of Rude's effort was in vain._

_"That looks so… liberating" He said, half lidded eyes now staring dully at the sky before him._

_I frowned and I looked at his battered body and felt oddly empty. Blood seemed to flow in slow rivulets from every bullet wound, and those wounds, they looked to fatal to close to major organs and I fucking knew. Zack was dying._

_"Yo." My voice was fucking cracking, I knew it, but didn't do a damn thing about it but try and swallow back the lump that formed in my throat. _

_"Did ya… get your Hero's ending like ya wanted." I dunno why, but my voice sounded so soft, even to me and I was wondered… just why was there so much damn emotions in my fucking voice. _

_Turk's shouldn't have emotions… it made 'em weak when doing their job._

_"Those wings…" It was barely a whisper that passed his lips and my eyes wavered before settling on his face, a faint smile marring his bloodied lips. "I want them too…" A dead man's last ramble and I couldn't help but let a chocked chuckle escaped me, sounding more like a damn sob._

_"Yeah Zack, go get your damn wings." And I couldn't help but watch as his smile grew, eyes dulling in every moment. The lump in my throat made it fucking hard to breath and I let a shuddered breath pass through my lips._

_"It feels… good."_

_I closed my damn eyes, afraid that if I opened them I'd fucking cry, I had to calm myself, hell, for my damn sake. "I'm glad." I whispered, turning around and heading for the chopper. Zack's last breath never seemed to damn loud and it was ringing in my head._

_Rude had then jumped out of the Chopper and looked at me as I seated myself, a simple shake of my head and the guy nodded and even with the damn shades over his eyes I could see him watching me as he took his own seat, reporting to Elena._

_The target was dead._

_My brain was on auto pilot and before I was even able to register in my messed up mind, I was already up in the air, steering back to ShinRa head quarters. How I was going to miss Zack, even if the bastard had a nick for always getting in trouble and playing Hero… I could honestly call him a friend._

_Faintly, I was aware that a lone figure struggling along the path to Midgar, the Bustier Sword dragging behind him. Zack's Bustier Sword I noticed with wide eyes._

_And I stared._

_A smirk tugged at my lips and I snorted. "So that's your living legacy?" I murmured. "He looks real shitty." I snorted, smiling sadly to myself as Rude looked at me questioningly._

_"Nah, I'm just spouting bullshit." I said, turning the chopper the opposite way._

"Congrats Zack. You're a fucking Hero, along with Strife." I muttered sarcastically, patting the Bustier Sword behind me, the makeshift grave or monument that Cloud had made a while back.

Fucking flashbacks just dampened my mood and it had to be Zack.

The guy could out drink me even without trying. If he was still alive, I wondered, could I beat that bastard now in drinking?

Probably.

Not to mention that fucking Zack reminded me of fucking Chocobo head. Their cocky grins were the same, the way they held their bustier sword, the hand on their hip when the got bored. Honestly, they were so damn alike and different at the same times.

For fucks sake, why the hell did the two have to be so damn fucking complicating?!

"_You ruined my life Turk. Why did you have to make things so complicating!?" Cloud spat, slapping my hand away from his shoulder now that we were a lengthy distance away from Hojo's assistant, the infamous Doctor Syne._

_"My life was actually stable! Then I find you in my bed and now nothing is stable." He hissed, glaring at me and I couldn't help but be rendered fucking speechless._

_"And they keep telling me that you're fucking… pregnant! T-that's impossible, its wrong, something like… like that should exist!" He said, pointing accusingly at my mid section, where the damn kid was growing and I couldn't help but glare back at Cloud now._

_Please don't tell me he believed that huge mound of shit that was spouting out of Doctor Syne's mouth, shit about the mini Sephiroth growing me. It was impossible, that was for sure. One, the fucking guy was deader than dead. He died twice, the was enough, right?! Two, Just because Jenova cells fucked my anatomy doesn't automatically mean that its directly linked to Sephiroth. And three, this one I love the most. I swear it was Cloud's semen up my ass and not that silver haired psycho bitch._

_He was being fuckin' unreasonable! Did he honestly think I planned for all this shit to happen, did he fucking think I wanted to screw us both over? Well fuck Chocobo head. If I had a fucking gun, I'd shoot his fucking kneecaps out for tryin' to pin the blame on me. I didn't mean for anything like this to happen._

_And somewhere in my mind, I was regretting that one night stand, even if I couldn't remember it, even if for a little while I was so damn happy about it. Fuck Strife. "Look here Strife, I'm pretty sure that this kid isn't fucking Seph-"_

_"Zack…" That had shut me up real quick. "I don't know why he thought you were such a good guy… after this, the shit you've done, he would have agreed with me Reno. You're nothing but a mistake…"_

_Fuck Strife to hell._

I dunno when, but my palms were digging into my eyes, preventing fucking tears to leak out while my lips pulled back in a sneer. My elbows rested against my knees that were now brought up to my chest, a shuddered breath passing my lips, sounding more like a pathetic fucking whimper.

Since when did I become so fuckin' weak that I'd cry over something like this, over Cloud fucking Strife? Puh-lease. I was sure as hell better than this… I blame the fucking kid for my over emotional state.

What the fuck is up with all these flashbacks?! Is this like last minute Karma or retribution?! Well FUCK.

I chuckled darkly to myself, feeling the handle of the switchblade in my palm… that's when I noticed that somewhere along those fucking flashbacks I had enough balls to slit my left wrist.

And I did it just right, now across the fucking river but through it.

Then the pain hit me, tenfold, and I hissed out a string of swears as I tried to finger the blade with my finger, muttering lines along how stupid I was.

Wait, there seemed to a lack of a switchblade in my hand.

At this, I had to lift my head up, removed my hands and looked lazily about for the fucking switchblade that I thought I had dropped, funny, you'd think I would have noticed it, right? But as I stared at the ground, I found a pair of boots, no, not mine.

I looked up and ended up staring into wonderful blue-green crystalline eyes, the discoloring caused by the mako. But who the fuck cared?

"C-cloud?"

"You stupid, stupid, stupid little redhead shit for a Turk." He muttered, and in his hand was my fucking switchblade. Funny, that my only thought was that he took MY switchblade.

I think… the blood loss was getting to my head and now my mind was playing out some weird last minute encounter to make me a little happy. And I was, Cloud was here and not screaming his head off about me being such a damn mistake. I felt a bit more content.

Hell, Cloud was pressing his warm hands against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding and fuck, I felt overjoyed. Least my mind isn't against me…

Silence seemed to be an issue here as I wracked my brain for something, hell, anything to say to Strife. But he had silently pulled out a gauge of medical tape and wrapped my bloody arm up, funny how it didn't hurt.

Fuck, I really was dying… huh?

The calm before the fucking storm right? I was going to hell, but at least I could see the fucking Chocobo one last time before.

"Hey Strife. 'm Sorry yo." I muttered, that being the only coherent jumbled of words in my head and I saw Cloud's head jerk up, his Crystalline blue eyes meeting mine. After all, I was the fucking one that wanted to get in his pants, and if I just left it alone and chased after another guy or girl, things would have been better.

But being the 'little redhead shit for a Turk' that I am, I wanted Cloud-fuckin'-Strife.

"But that's the only apology-" _that you'll ever get from me_.

Well that's what I was TRYING to say before the little shit sacked me a good punch, and might I add to the injured fucking jaw?!

I stared at him with an incredulous look on my face, a hand cradling the wounded jaw. Strife had sat down in my previous position. Knees brought to his chest as his elbows rested on them, as his bloody hands dangled between his legs, eyes downcast and a blonde hair curtaining his face.

One good thing about the punch was that it made me realize one important fucking thing. This WASN'T a hallucination and I was torn between fucking laughing my ass off or crying yo.

Tch.

I think I did enough crying for the fucking day, and instead I crawled my ass over to Cloud and used his body as a make-shift wall to lean on. "Fuckin' hello to you too, jerk." I mumbled, pressing my wounded arm close to my chest.

Only Strife could make me think this much in so little fucking time. Like why was the little shit here? I thought he hated me ya'know? And worst of all, he foiled my plan to cease the existence of one Reno Sinclair… and now, just to add the fucking sprinkles to the top, he was giving me fucking hope. That's the last thing I needed when the Turks, Dr. Syne's men, and fucking random bounty hunters were after my head, besides, the little parasite growing in my gut seems to be the cherry on top. Need I also fucking mention-

"You were…" Leave it to fucking Cloud to ruin my moment of 'deep thinking' and mental ranting. "You were going to commit… suicide?" Cloud mumbled, removing his hands from his eyes and glancing at my wonderful work of art, which, was starting to throb before looking back toward me.

It seemed more like a damned question that I found myself a little too hesitant to fucking answer.

"… Chyeah."

Then there was that damn silence between us. I didn't know if he was pissed, or… hell, what the fuck was going on through that blonde head of his. I can tell you that my fucking thoughts weren't any better though. I can swear to you, more than a hundred questions passed through my bloody head and all of them revolved around three things: Me, Cloud, and the fucking baby.

It was pretty damn confusing and I was getting a little annoyed with it.

"We can take cover in Nibelheim until things settle down a bit." Cloud said, breaking that silence and once fucking again, my thoughts. Though this time I was a bit more appreciative, all those questions made a not so gently throb in my head more apparent.

"Tch. Thought you hated me Strife." G'damn it. I was now being fucking spiteful. "That I was a mistake."

Sure, maybe I was a little pissed about Cloud barking at the end of his chain when I saved his ass and might've disserved some of the stuff he said, but that doesn't stop the fact that I was getting a little pissed at him and being left in the dark as I was, hell, I had a right to be pissed.

Cloud simply stood and shook his head. "I never hated you Reno."

WHAT?!

* * *

PFFT. I wanted to make it longer, like hella longer… but I ran out of ideas and didn't want to fuck over the entire story. Speaking of the story, I got myself a little plot in mind. But I'm not telling you. Why? Because I'm a bitch like that.

And the flash back thing was getting a little old, but at least it sheds some light on things, right?

So, on your knees and comment of the over emotional and bipolar preggors Reno will FUCK YOU UP.

RATE AND COMMENT.


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII and if i did, Reno and Cloud would fuck every chance they got

**Disclaimer**: Don't own FFVII and if i did, Reno and Cloud would fuck every chance they got.

**Warnings**: Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC  
You've been warned.

**Author's Note**: Fuck.

I get my best damn ideas at 1:56 AM but then I'm too damn tired to type up anything. Not to mention I got work, aw hell no. Fuck you Karma, fuuuuck youuuu! Man, my eyeballs are freaking hurting and you know why I can tell you this shit? Cause I put this rant under 'Author's Note.' I'm the Author and obviously this is my fucking note… speech… er… rant. Same thing.

Whatever!!

And just curious how many people actually read this shit? I mean, I know I'm one of those assholes who skips the warnings, author's note and yadda, yadda, yah, jumble of words up top and goes straight to the story… but what the hell are the point of these things!? I swear I can say that I'm plotting some world conquering attack and list out my plans and no one would ever notice.

Hey… that's not a bad idea.

TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. Insert Maniacal Laughter Here

Yeah, I bet you bastard's heard that, only cause it was all in caps.

Right, so maybe I should start talking about the story right? I think I might make it a habit to post a new Chapter ever 25th of the month and perhaps if I FEEL like it the 10th too. Maybe. Naw. We'll stick with the 25th unless I get beat by a fucking inspiration stick… knowing me, you might as well beat me with the entire fucking tree.

Kay, so I said something about the Story, now onto those who showered me with praises, comments and reviews.

I LOVE YOU ALL, BECOME MY CONCUBINES!!  
I need to thank you ALL for commenting/review/worshiping/praising and providing the ego swelling sensation you inflated in me.

And now I'm obsessed with the song 'Prelude 12/21' by AFI… surprisingly, that's the ONLY song I like by them, everything else makes my ears bleed. Those who don't like the band should listen to THAT song, its addicting D8 and not to mention I was on youtube and managed to find a Axel Tribute to that song… it made me more happy than Roxas getting knocked up.

Kay, I'm done naoz!!

3 Enbi

Concubine spaces are limited

And Enbi's not really that much of an asshole, she just like using excess cusswords is all.

**Summary**: "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

**(V) IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD READ BELOW. (V)  
**" _Italics are used for flash back references, yo._"

**A** C H O C O B O & **A** T U R K

* * *

**C** H A P T E R : **T** W O

**T** H E **R** A M B U N C T I O U S **V** I L L A N & **T** H E **S** O C I A L A L L Y **R** E T A R D E D **H** E R O  
(( It honestly took me like 10 minutes to do the titles…))

Right. Strife never hated me. I should be damn happy about that little piece of information, right? I should be screaming in over-fucking-whelming joy and embrace my savior for ruining my attempt to off myself and the kid.

Fuck no.

"What do ya mean, 'I never hated you Reno?!' You're a load of bullshit, Strife!" Amazing how I managed to literally growl that out between clenched teeth and muster enough strength to turn around and push the bastard away. But seeing as how I'm losing fucking feeling in one arm I was more than pissed off when I merely knocked the blonde shit off balance a little. One of his hands was placed on the ground, keeping him from falling over while the other simple remained on his knee.

He looked confused. Those mako blue eyes stared at me in question and I was forced to look away. "Reno?"

Well lemme enlighten him a bit. Reno style.

"Ya don't fucking tell people they're a mistake and that they ruined yer fucking perfect life! Then while that certain person is runnin' for their own damn miserable life, WHILE five month pregnant and finally decides to just give it up, Mr. Fuckin' Hero comes in to saves the day and then declare that he doesn't fuckin' hate that person's guts! That's not how it fuckin' works, yo!" I spat out, trying my best to glare at the blonde bastard.

I had a damn right to be pissed, some blonde shit basically told you that you were lower than scum, was mortified by the fucking fact that he slept with me and claimed I ruined his oh-so-fucking wonderful life.

I know I ruin a lot of people's lives, but at least they don't fucking tell me straight out to my face and spare me the troublesome task of going through a fucking guilt trip, least I can fucking pretend everyone in the world but a handful of people don't hate me.

"Reno-"

"Don't fuckin' 'Reno' me. Give me back my switchblade and lemme carve my insides outs." I hissed out, and if the moment wasn't so damn crucial and serious I would've laughed my happy ass off at Strife's expression.

He looked mortified.

Looked so damn scared at the fact that I had my hand stuck out to him and demanded the switchblade back, I must be a fucking sadist to be enjoying this moment so damn much.

The fucking Ex Soldier looked like he fucking saw Sephiroth again, that's how mortified I'm freaking talking about and I must've looked pretty damn serious to cause him to grasp onto the damn blade even tighter.

"R-Reno-"

"I said don't fuckin' 'Reno' me, it's not ganna work Strife. I'm not going to Nibelheim until things calm down, do ya honestly think that hiding's going to stop anything." And then realization dawned on me. This, whatever the fuck was our problem wasn't going to fucking stop.

Great, now I'm not so fucking furious anymore, quite the fucking opposite.

"It doesn't work like that either Strife…" I mumbled. "Either I die here or on some examination table. That's… how I think it works."

I was pregnant… people either wanted me or the baby as lab rats or dead. Personally, I didn't fancy either fucking choices, but then again, what much choice did a fucking male pregnant Ex Turk have?

"You could… come to Nibelheim." Cloud insisted. "That could work."

I felt my lips quivering and chuckled to myself.

Here I was, torn between wanting to be fucking saved and wanting to just die right fuckin' here and now. I was bringing Strife down with me if I wanted to live and not to mention the baby. I'm in no position to be a parent…

I'm the worst fucking role-model in the world.

It's going to be one fucked up kid if me n' Cloud raised him or her… Then again, maybe Strife would do a good job. Denzel and Marlene turned out okay… but then again Tifa helped with the kids and Barret was one hell of a devoted father.

I was positive, so fuckin' positive that I couldn't raise a kid by myself. Strife could be doing this out of pity, some guilty conscious of his and once I was safe and the baby was too…

If Strife left after the kid was born…

Hell, I was fucking screwed and the thought of sending the kid to the Midgar Orphanage sent shivers down my spine. Why fucking else do you think the Orphan's would rather roam the streets instead of _that_ place?

I think leaving the baby by a gutter had more chance of survival instead of that place. But do I honestly want to send another kid into the streets? Or did I honestly want to make another one of myself?

A kid born from gutter trash and a Hero, a perfect combination I thought with heavy sarcasm.

And then there was this uncomfortable silence between me and Strife, until the said blonde shit broke it.

"Reno." I cocked my head in Strife's general direction at the mention of my name, a little too fucking eager for my own damn good now that I calmed the fuck down a little.

Now that I was done ranting about how much of an ass he was for saying all that shit he did, it was my fucking turn I guess.

"Sorry…I was… scared and frustrated at the time. I didn't mean much of it." Cloud had murmured, his gaze settled away from me, the switchblade now securely in both of his hands. "I'm sorry." He stated again, slightly louder and I felt every ounce of fucking anger and harsh words that were left in me meld into some form of regret.

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself, letting out a sigh of frustration. Fucking bloody hell, everything has to come around and bite me in the ass in the end…

In the recesses of my fucking mind, I knew Strife didn't hate me. Otherwise, I would have the Bustier Sword shoved through me if he did.

I guess I was just lashing out at the blonde shit. All those fucking weeks of hiding out and avoided my Ex Turk members, Doctor Syne and all in all, fucking people caused me to bottle up a lot of shit and I wanted someone to fucking blame other than myself. But still, he said shit that hurt, so it was his own fucking fault for making himself a perfect target.

And the best part about all this shit?

Is that no matter how much I thought I wanted to hate Strife and be fucking angry with him so I could just kill myself, I couldn't.

G'damn logical thinking, always getting in the way of the things I wanted.

"Yeah. I know." In the end I guess I forgave the Chocobo shit, just a bit, for now. I suppose I wasn't in the best mind at the time either, c'mon, a fucking kid growing in me isn't exactly fucking good news. How the hell else was anyone suppose to react to that shit?!

Jeez. It was always Strife who foiled my fucking ingenious plans… looks like he succeeded yet again.

"Me too, yo, I'm sor-Oi! What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" I yelled, after finding a warm hand on my stomach that sure as hell wasn't mine. When I looked up to glare at the bastard that was invading my personally space, and yes, I did have a fucking personal space, I met mako blue staring intently at my abdomen.

"Five months…" Cloud mumbled, his brows furrowed in concentration, before turning his gaze up to mine, slight worry and curiosity etching across his face and I couldn't help but think it was rather 'cute.' Who would've guessed, Cloud Strife having a 'cute moment.'

"Why aren't you fat?"

Fuck Dark Bahamut.

I take that shit back. Cloud wasn't fucking 'cute' he was a fucking 'asshole.' It was like talking to a fucking CHILD.

"Cause you dipshit, the baby isn't the size of a fucking ruler yet and I'm a guy, I got muscle and shit like that." I snapped, slapping his hand away. Who knew that I would learn something while stuck with Dr. Syne?

Still, I couldn't help a smirk tug at my lips. Who knew, with the way Strife was acting, maybe the blonde shit was coming on to me, eh?

"So why all the fucking attention Strife, not like I don't like it." I asked, raising a brow nonchalantly. "Why go through all this shit to get me to Nibelheim?"

For a moment, Strife just stared at me before slowly nodding his head to the side. I thought I wasn't going to get and answer and opened my mouth to spout out more shit. "Because…" I felt something bubble in the pit of my gut, sometime akin to fucking hope, exactly fucking hope for what, I wasn't exactly freaking sure. "I helped conceive that child, I have to take responsibility. I think… Nibelheim is a good hide out until after the child is born. Then maybe… Aerith's mother, Elmyra can help you raise the kid or you can entrust the child with her."

I dunno what fucking answer I wanted, but I guess this wasn't fucking it.

I snorted and swallowed back a lump in my throat, it felt like I was getting thrown out of Cloud's fucking room again after a night of unremembered sex. "Yeah." I said, trying to keep that stupid grin on my face instead of beating that stupid shit an inch from his life.

"Ya'know what Strife?"

Cloud raised his own brow at me in question now, and I chuckled at his antics trying to fend that sob that wanted to rip out of my throat.

"I think I understand Tifa real well now." I said.

Unrequited love was a bitch.

* * *

EEE HEE HEE.

Poor Reno. Don't worry! Just cause Cloud doesn't love you doesn't mean I don't!! Nor your other millions of fans that would gladly rip out that blonde's scrotum and shove it up his ass!!

One minute Reno furious, the next he's content and now he's heart broken. Will the mood swings ever cease?! Course not, he's five month preggors. NEXT: the constant eating and cravings. Then the next morning would be morning sickness. Awesome beans I have in store for our lovable redhead, no?

You know the drill peeps.

REVIEW & RATE


	4. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer**: I want to own Reno. But I don't… nor anyone else in FFVII for that matter.

**Warnings**: Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC  
You've been warned.

**Author's Note**: So… tired.

It's gotten so bloody hot here in Japan, so not cool. Especially when you work at a café that doesn't understand that having the heater on in the building only makes it seem more like a giant furnace.

Not. Cool.

But on the side note, I've been reading very morbid fanfics lately, mmnn, such depression makes me squeal in utter joyous sadness!! I love stories that makes me cry so if you, the reader, by chance know of one, drop a link in your comment, kay?

**Summary**: "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

**(V) IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD READ BELOW. (V)  
**" _Italics are used for flash back references, yo._"

**A** C H O C O B O & **A** T U R K

* * *

**C** H A P T E R : **T** H R E E

**A** **B** R O K E N **H** E A R T & **A** **F** U L L **S** T O M A C H

Sometimes, I wonder why the fuck I ever even considered a small amount of liking toward Cloud fucking Strife in the first place. Half the time I couldn't answer myself that.

Back then when ShinRa was fighting off AVALANCHE and that insane psycho bitch, Sephiroth, taking a liking to just about anyone that wasn't in your organization was a like a instant fatality… waiting for you to make that single bloody mistake so it could snatch your nuts within that second and rip 'em from you. Strife and his gang were the enemies.

Hell, half the time you couldn't even trust your own partners. Reeve is a good example, backstabbing muthafucker.

Like they say, keep your friend's close, keep your enemy's closer, right?

But hey, it's not like I haven't done my fair share of stepping over the invisible line that defines betrayal. Or in this case, orders from our very own big man, Rufus. Orders were to kill AVALANCHE members on site. Psh, not while I'm on break or off duty. Don't know how many times that excuse got me out of an ass kicking. But eventually, Boss got smart and put us on the clock 24/7.

Luckily that only lasted a week before Strife kicked psycho bitch ass.

But right, my affection toward strife was the highlight of my thoughts at the moment… not Rufus, the Turks, or the hair infatuated Sephiroth, but Cloud Fucking Strife. You'd think I was becoming a little obsessive with all the thinkin' I've been doing about him.

…Speaking of this moment with Cloud fucking Strife, we're going about 160 clicks down the road to Nibelheim in Fenrir or so I thought I was told… can't hear much with all the fucking wind. Might I add that I was holding on for dear life and enjoying the fact that I get to cling to the bastard without getting screamed at by the fucking Chocobo, hey, we were going fucking fast, yo, I got a legitimate reason for wrapping my arms around him.

Right. Now that I'm thinking about this 'affection' I got toward the blond fucker… I think it must've started when he was with that Ancient girl in that old abandoned Church. Hell, it was a perfect scene, that blonde stranger looking contently at the flowers in the middle of a sun spot. Even Tseng wouldn't deny that it wasn't an orgasmic site!

So maybe I was just lusting for a little heroic piece of ass instead?

But ya'know… Strife's not a bad guy.

He's pretty fucking decent if you ask me! Yeah, he can be an emotionless asshole and a depressing sack of crap… but compared to most people, Strife had morals, dignity, was strong as fuck AND has a good looking face. Try finding another guy like this blonde one here in Midgar.

Most people here in Midgar were… hell, they were like me if you wanna start pointing fingers. Either they were drunken idiots, a bastard child, a dog of some big honcho, messed up in the head beyond some stability, or the most recent, a knocked up whore. It's somewhat sad that I can name a little bit of myself toward the civilians of Midgar, but you know what, they can shove it.

They're not as hot as me nor do they get paid as fucking much.

Sometimes, I think my job is the only thing that separates me from being another nameless scum living in Midgar… hell, I dunno what I would be if Rude didn't offer that job like he did… I'd most likely be another pretty face walking down the streets looking for some pocket change.

Curious if I would still meet Strife here if I had that life.

I heard from Elena, who heard from Yuffie who heard from RedXIII who overheard Tifa and Aerith making fun of Cloud for dressing up in the drags to enter the infamous whore house the 'bumble bee' makes me think that maybe we woulda meet, ya'know. Probably wouldn't recognize him, but fucking nonetheless, I'd meet him, right?

Speaking of which… never really had a chance to confront the blonde shit over that little bit of information to confirm it or not.

"Hey… Reno."

Ah, shit, what I do? I wasn't molesting Strife was I?

"We stopped, let go." Cloud murmured, holding Fenrir in place as he looked over his shoulder at me and hell, I let go alright, rather quickly and slid the fuck off the side of the bike and onto my ass. I cloud here the stifled laughter from that blonde shit and glared up at him, he sure as hell didn't have a right to laugh at me. Lately, I've been… how should I say, off balance more or fucking less?

I blame the baby.

But what the fuck ever, point being… where the fuck are we?

"Shove it Strife, now tell me why we stopped and where in Shiva's name are we, yo?"

A mountain to the left, a forest behind me and fucking plains to the right and ahead of me… so yeah, location, location, location. Bird's eye view I can pinpoint exact locations, the talent comes with flying the chopper all the fucking time… but with my pregnant ass on the ground with lacking bodily coordination's at the moment? Hell, I'll have a rough time telling you where fucking North is.

Cloud seemed to find SOMETHING amusing because that smirk tugging at his lips didn't mean undying love for me.

"Can't take Fenrir in the village… people might get suspicious…"

Yeeee-ah… no shit, and your leather complexion doesn't ring off any bells either Strife.

"And we're on the road to Nibelheim." He mumbled, taking my arm and dragging me up to my aching feet, before pulling about ten steps to the left. But just to let it be clear… I don't see a fucking town A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E.

… Wait.

Ah, so now I see fucking Nibelheim in the distance… right beside the fucking mountain.

"Not many people moved back since the experiment… so it'll be easy finding a vacant place to stay."

Man, wouldn't it be fun if Strife could hear my messed up mind shouting all these rude and inappropriate things. Good thing I got the god given right to speak my fucking mind.

"Strife… are you a fucking blonde!?" And I even gave a pause to let the words sink in, ya'know. "Never mind, don't answer that. Look, breaking into a vacant house is still breaking an entry and just to let you know something… we fit in with local civilians just as Barret does with Yuffie's shorts, yo. –And that ain't pretty." I think even Strife cringed at the fucking thought of it.

Just imagine it. Barret, big, black, and tough in hoochie mamma shorts…

At least it's not a fat man in 'em… all that fat bulging from the side-Ifrit smite whatever confused being that does this, so I may not gauges my pretty eyes out from the site.

"I resent that blonde joke, Turk. My house has been vacant since the massacre and I might've kept the key to the front door." Cloud had snapped back, pushing Fenrir between a shrub and a protruding boulder, trying in all perfection to conceal his precious bike.

I feel like Macaroni with Tuna and Chai tea.

Fuck. Where the hell did that come from?!

"Yeah, whatever Strife. I'm hungry, my feet already hurt and I'm feeling impatient as hell for a nice soft bed."

I wanted to smack that look right off Strife's face after those words passed my lips, he had that amusedly confused expression on his face. Ya'know, the one where he has a slight frown forming yet a brow raised in amusement. Fucking man-bitch.

"I do hope your… 'needy' personality is caused by that." The blonde stated, drifting his eyes toward my abdomen.

Man. Do I feel naked. Not like it affects me 'cause I, personally, think I have a sexy body… until that baby starts making its appearance on me, which I can't even imagine.

What would I look like with a 'baby bump'? Would I be 'glowing' like they say pregnant people do?

Pfft. That's a load of bullshit, pregnant people look fat, they don't 'glow'.

"I surprised you didn't retort with anything along the lines of 'blonde shit' or 'yo'…" Cloud murmured. "Yo." He added and for some reason, my mood just lifted at least a mile high, sure he was stealing my thing, but hell, it sure sounded damn sexy with him saying it!!

"Oi, that's my word bitch, but you're free to steal my 'oh, good's' if you want, yo." I couldn't help but chuckle at what memories that bloody statement brought alone, and during the process managed to plop my tired ass on the ground.

Heh, Rude's flashy set of fire works he made that one time was the fucking best. Sure we blew up a bridge… but we slowed down the mini Seph's right?

And here people said Turk didn't do nothing other than cause trouble.

I suddenly found my gaze full of a concerned Cloud Strife and tilted my head back to put a little distance between us before frowning at him.

"What?" I snapped, half tempted to take off my boot and slam it in his face. Remember my fucking bubble?

"Are you tired?" He stated.

For the love of Shiva… you'd think that if all my complaining didn't get through to him that me sitting my ass on the ground on the verge of taking a nap before walking to the town would send a clear message to that blonde head.

So I simply snorted.

"Here… Get on my back." Cloud mumbled, turning around and kneeling in front of me.

Hell, I basically jumped on his ass at the option of a 'free ride,' this of course caused him to lurch forward, though he quickly gained his balance and now stood with me clinging onto his back, grinning my happy ass off.

He had sent a glare in my general direction, which I promptly ignored and just clung onto him, enjoying this rare occasion. Honestly, how many people do you think was given a piggy back ride by Cloud Strife OTHER than Marlene and Denzel? Ah, how my ego swells.

"How much do you weigh?"

"About one-whoa, wait? What the fuck brought this revelation?"

"You're light…" And then there was that frown again. Ya'know, if Cloud continued to frown like this he was going to get some worry line and wouldn't be as hot anymore. And since we're on the topic of worry… is it safe to say that Strife is worried about me? Well, don't I feel bashful.

"Look, uh, I dunno how much I weigh, but I'm guessing 120, 125 maybe? I was always a stick is what Tseng called me, he's just fucking jealous doncha know." I said, with a lopsided grin, only receiving a hum from the blonde to inform that he had indeed heard me.

After that though… came that awkward fucking silence.

"So… how do 'understand Tifa real well' as you put it…" Cloud spoke suddenly and for a moment, I thought I would choke on hair.

"E-eh?"

"You said earlier that you 'Understand Tifa real well now,' I was curious as to how… I… never really understood her."

Well… Karma seems to be a bitch and wanting to bite me in the ass harder than usual. I remember letting a hesitant chuckle and looking at Cloud who stared fixatedly ahead. C'mon Turk, think, THINK.

"Eh… ya'know, the whole Women thing and baby issues. Never knew having a little parasite in me was so much trouble yo… ya'know?" Well… it's not a complete lie… let's just call it white lie number… a fucking lot.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so I was just ya'know… relating to the hardships of women… I guess, yo?"

Yeah, and here I was trying to convince myself.

Cloud though, seemed like he completely believed that utter bullshit spouting from my mouth and nodded his head in agreement… or as much agreeing as he could seeing as how he wasn't a chick and wasn't pregnant.

"I think the child would be cute, Reno."

"…Uh…" Should my ego be swelling like this, yo? How about the blushing part?

**.: T O B E C O N T I N U E D :.  
****  
**

* * *

3 By the Way I lied about the update date thingies. I'm just going to update whenever I feel like it.

Why? Because I fucking CAN BIATHCES.

Just kidding,  
it's just that there's something called life that interrupts me during my typingness, not to mention I got a job at a fucking Café and they feel the need to put my on night shift then the next day morning shift. Repeat.

I love my sleep… I need at least like 10 to 12 hours of sleep to function normally. Yesh. I'm a little baby, sleep and yaoi is my soul purpose in life.

Kay.  
You all know the Drill.

_**R.A.T.E. A.N.D. C.O.M.M.E.N.T.**_

Thankjoo!

**Oh, Oh, Oh!! I must say… to all those that are commenting… I LOVE YOU ALL. I can't put out names 'cause I might forget one, and I dun't wanna make someone sad and be like 'FUCK THIS, This bitch can DIE.' And never come back to the story to shower me in comments… but I know those who come back and comment on each chapter and I LUFFLES YOU LOTS.**

M'kay?

So you all have nice Days, Nights, or Afternoons!!

* * *


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I want to own Reno

**Disclaimer**: I want to own Reno. But I don't… nor anyone else in FFVII for that matter.

**Warnings**: Excessive swearing, Mpreg, Graphical Sex, fluff, overdose of OOC  
You've been warned.

**Author's Note**: LOLOLOLOL.

You.  
Go to Youtube type in "Achmed the Dead Terrorist" And watch.

I was laughing my happy ass off and was being the dork I am by quoting every fucking line.

And last but not least, here is CHAPTAH FOUR… technically number five, but whatever, I do what I want!

AND sorry it took so long, work has and as always, been a bitch.

**Summary**: "Ever wonder how low I could go? Me, the EMR weldin' redheaded, bad mouthed, drunken', foul tempered, firecracker of a Turk? Well Pretty damn low." This is what happens when Jenova cells and Mako mess with you... well, your body.

**(V) IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD READ BELOW. (V)  
**" _Italics are used for flash back references, yo._"

**A** C H O C O B O & **A** T U R K

* * *

**C** H A P T E R : **F **O U R

**A** **M **I S U N D E R S T A N D I N G & **A** **R** E V E L A T I O N

Cloud had a nice childhood home. It was one of those stereotypical homes you hear in stories and shit. It was small, but…

It was homey… more or less.

I took up the master bedroom and Strife took up his old one, other than that, there's been nothing. Most of the time, Strife kept me stuffed between four walls, think house arrest to that one damn room. He was spouting shit about how I would be 'noticed' if I took step outside this house.

Okay, so maybe the red hair did send some "PAY SOME FUCKING ATTENTION TO ME" signs and the fact that I was just so damn drop dead sexy, but it wasn't like I was going to TRY and get myself noticed… I just find the fact that staying between four walls, a window and a door was boring and basically the equivalent as trying to have a conversation with Vincent.

He, on the other hand, had been coming and going. Cloud that is.

Sure the first time I saw Cloud-fucking-Strife in civilian clothing I was basically drooling. Jeans and a faded grey shirt surprisingly made him look hella younger than he should, not to mention his sexiness started to compete with mine. Hell, he didn't look like the emotionally retarded Hero or the fucking ex SOLDIER, but just a normal guy, ya'know? I think I actually enjoyed the first few days he would come and go in his civilian clothing, plus it kept me on my toes, fucking eager for when that bastard came home.

Strife brought the food home.

But now that my 'baby bump' was showing, a reminder on why I threw every fucking mirror out of the damn house, Chocobo shit's forbidden me from getting close too the windows, thinks I might attract some attentions like always. Psh, not like many people come by the house in the first place.

Sure, I thought that it was just Strife being a little over protective, it was cute at first, I mean, Strife, being over protective of me. Whoa, I felt my ego swelling. But now this was getting fucking stupid as hell.

Which explains why I'm sitting here on the couch, beyond my fucking bed time for your information (thus explaining the over large shirt and pajama bottoms), waiting for that blonde fucker to get home. It's high time we start negotiating, I mean fuck, let me out in the backyard for an hour at least!

A month indoors had driven my happy ass bat shit crazy.

I started to 'entertain' myself.

And that in its self was hazardous. I just wanted to see a little … 'bang,' ya'know? Just to lighten up my day and with Rude as my partner for so many years, I knew how to make a few good explosions with the good ol' house hold items.

Let's just say that the living room suffered greatly. I mean, I put out the fire and only onside of the couch was in flames anyway, I personally thought it wasn't THAT noticeable…

Apparently Strife thought otherwise, because that fucker stepped in the house, looked around and went straight back outside to make sure he was in the right house. Laughed my happy ass off and then asked what the fucker he brought home for dinner.

Speaking of another thing, I'm sick and fucking tired of Strife FORCING shit down my throat. I mean, at least give me that mango yogurt with whip cream I've been wanting for the entire week! You'd think that with the whining I've been doing, that blonde little fucker woulda at least given me a dozen to keep my mouth shut. But what do I get? Fucking veggie stew. No.

NO DAMMIT!!

Just because I'm preggors, doesn't mean I'm completely helpless and out of it. I know what I fucking want and someone in here wants some fucking mango! So you know what I've got to say to this?! Fuck you Strife.

"Reno?"

"TA'FUCK YOU WANT?!"

Whoops, that wasn't supposed to leave my mouth… but speak of the devil, he's home a bit early.

"…"

Ah shit. Think I might have broke him…

"E-eh…… W-welcome home yo, heh, heh… Did you get some mangos and yogurt on your way home?" Choose your answer wisely Sstrife, I've got fucking hormones driving me crazy and I'm armed with a fucking paperback book.

"… y…yes?" Good boy.

"Thank Shiva, thought I had to castrate you this time."

'Least Cloud had the decency to give me what I want to eat finally, now onto the more important things, like going outside and breathing some fucking air. I'm not being too demanding, right? I mean, suuuuure, Cloud's going out of his way to let me stay at his old home and all… but I'm a fucking Turk, I need fucking freedom and staying here is the same as staying in the torture and interrogation room, just with the lack of interrogation!!

I just watched Cloud for a moment, ya'know just watching him do… Cloud Strife stuff. Taking off his shoes and throwing them by the door before making a B-line to his room. Now or never Reno.

"Yo Cloud, ya think I could maybe…" Gatta sugar coat it, ya'know, but how the fuck do you sugar coat wanting to go outside? Least I caught that Chocobo bastard's attention, he's looking at me suspiciously. "Ya'know, take a walk and get some fresh air… outside?" Good job Reno, just make it blunt, a Turk's job was never about sugar coating things unless you wanted to confuse/piss people off. "I mean, just-"

"No."

Oh come-fucking-on. He didn't even blink his eye! Did his thought process even receive the question or is that just a definite answer in that little Chocobo head of his?! An automatic reply for whatever Reno wanted. Fucker.

"Why?" I mean, at least let me roam around when its dark, no one would notice me then, riiiight? Side's I'm a Turk, we're basically the Boss' shadow, so we're naturally good at hiding. "Hell, let me stick my head out the window!"

"Reno, we've been through this already." And his posture spoke volumes. Strife was doing that 'I'm not changing my mind' stance. You know, the one where I appears to be nonchalant but his feet are planted to the ground and he's looking you down.

"Actually, we haven't." And I stood. Just cause I can take it up the ass and be the submissive one in a relationship doesn't mean I stand for some of the shit he says. Like hell I will. "Which is why I'm bringing it up yo."

You know, Staring at Cloud in eye level is really captivating, sure it's completely irrelevant to what I'm being pissy about, but as a side note, a small little message in the back of my brain, Strife's eyes are an array of blue and green and baby they're flashing neon glow green right about now. Ya think I'm pissing him off? Just the slightest bit?

Don't'cha just hate it when Strife gets all quiet like he does?

"You just tell me I can't go outsides because I might be noticed. If Tseng and them haven't found me yet, they're probably not lookin' hard enough or they can't find us. I'm bettin' on the first yo. So it's okay to let me out, hell, I'll wake up at 2 AM if that means you'll let me open that door without you busting a blood vessel up in your blonde head. I appreciate the over protectiveness, but that's just it. You're being _over_ protective. " I couldn't help but NOT contain that sneer and have that mocking little tone in my voice.

I could see Strife's jaw clench and his eyes narrow, think I might have hit a spot? G'damn I'm mean. But it's in my nature, I'm a Turk and the idiot was pissing me off and since my EMR is in the bedroom, beating the shit out of him was option number two.

"I'm not being over protective." Short. A hint of malice. Hissed between clenched teeth. Oh yeah, I pissed him off. "You, it's impossible for you not to be noticed." What the fuck was that supposed to mean? I can blend in the crowd if I wanted…

"Yeah, well, I can wear a hat and shit, ya'kno-"

"Dammit Reno! You're a man and you're pregnant, how is that not noticeable?! You don't look anything like a women, so if we're seen together, people can put two and two together! You'll cause our location to be exposed and I'm not saving you if you get captured."

Fuck.

That kind of hurt. Who knew Strife knew how to play the fucking pain game.

"So… you're ashamed of me? That's what it boils down to, right? I doubt people would ask if I was pregnant, they'd probably think I was fat before anything else yo." I snapped back. I wasn't exactly going to parade around in maternity clothes and shout out to the entire town that I was pregnant with THE Cloud Strife's child as interesting as the reactions would be.

Strife's silence was more than reassuring and for some reason I was neither pissed nor depressed about what came out of my mouth or his.

Hey, my entire life revolved around painful surprises, not like Strife being ashamed of me was one of them. Hell, he was never too happy about this situation in the first place. Everyone I met was ashamed at me at one point. Not like that's big news and right now, I could give a rat's ass about it.

Who cares.

I simply nodded my head and snorted at the bastard in front of me before reluctantly starting the rather short route back to my little prison. Too much stress wasn't good for the baby, so I might as well just suck it up for another 3 months.

"Reno…"

I stopped at the base of the stairs and rolled my eyes, it was hard to ignore the bastard that spoke so few, and him trying to get my attention meant that it HAD to be important for him to actually voice it out.

"What do ya want now?"

"I'm not ashamed of you or the baby."

I removed my gaze from him and toward the bottoms stairs. "Yeah? Well tell me that again when I actually believe ya Strife."

* * *

I swear to you, it's not the fight I had with Strife that's keeping me up.

Honestly. But speaking of the little fucker, he up and left right after out little spat. Ya'know. Doing that emo angst shit he does from time to time. To brood by himself like always, his fault for not letting me out.

But now that I think about it, maybe I was overreacting just a little bit, ya'know? Not sayin' it's completely my fault, if you wanna play the blame game, its all going to lead to Jenova and those fucked up experiments. But you have to admit, Me, Reno, the party animal and Ace Turk is now reduced to living a quaint and calm life in the middle of nowhere. Have some pity on me.

But that's not what's keeping me up past the early wee hours of the fucking morning.

Instead, I started thinking about the baby and just how fucking real this all was. Hell, I already know that this kid would be better off never meeting his 'mama' or that's how Strife puts it.

Hell, I can't even think of me n' Strife as a 'family.'

Haven't got enough experience to bluff one of those off, plus Strife said he wasn't going to stay for the kid any-fucking-way.

But I started thinking as amazing and fucking shocking as that is. It was just a curious thought ya'know… I was just wonderin' what the kid would look like.

Would it have red hair and blue-green eyes like Strife, or maybe a blonde kid with green eyes, bright ones like mine. Or maybe the kid'll have the deep sea green ones like my ma.

Or maybe the kid would take after Strife's parents.

Would the kid be a real dick growing up or more like Strife? Hell… wonder what the kid would grow up like. Would she be a beautiful girl havin' all the boys drool over, or maybe a sexy guy like me?

Or if he's unfortunate, he'll look like Strife?

I wonder… if the Kid would be good at handling a sword, or will his fists and a taser be enough to kick ass. Maybe he'll be against fighting and be the complete opposites from me n' Strife, a nice kid… well Strife's nice, but a nicer kid, much more sociable, you get me?

Thoughts like those made me chuckle.

I think… I'm getting just a little ahead of myself. Next thing ya'know, I'll be thinking about staying for a bit… or visiting once in a while, vacation time. ShinRa does give a month off in a year and I can use those 30 days how ever the fuck I want. But wait, I don't fucking work there anymore.

I wonder… what should I name the kid…

I mean the kid IS living inside me like a parasite, so I should at least give this little brat a name, right? The startling kicks from the said brat seemed to agree with me.

"Oi, fucking stop that or I won't eat anything tomorrow, no matter how much the craving will drive me insane!" I groaned.

Somehow, in the midst of my thinking, I ended up curling my body into an 'almost' fetal position, my hands rested on my lower abdomen in a weak attempt to get the kid to stop kicking as I looked down in fascination.

There was someone growing in there. It's kind of overwhelming to know that I have a life in me, out of all people, a Turk.

I've never been one to cherish other people's lives but my own. As a Turk, it was best not to get too attached… just in case we had to kill each other. But we Turks were like family as much as everyone hated to admit it, and I'd probably hesitate if I had to kill Rude or Elena… even Tseng would take second thoughts.

I personally don't think I would be able to do it. Especially Rude. He's my partner, always and forever will be… or I'll kick his ass.

"Are you doing fucking acrobatics in there? For the love of ShinRa, stop kicking that hard!" But I'd be lying if I said I minded about the brat twisting my organs around. It was amusing more or less.

"And Strife! If you're going to stand there behind the door, get me that orange that's sitting in the fridge." Bastard thinks he was quite. HAH. I'm a Turk, remember? I literally heard the hesitation and then the shifting and eventual quite steps toward the kitchen. At least he came home. Didn't abandon me like he could have, after all, I'm not the best of people to get along with.

"See, I got Daddy Strife to get me that orange I've been saving." I mumbled to my 'baby bump' and seemingly, the kid decided that now that I was set on staying awake, he'd stop kicking the shit out of me, for the time being... brat.

I heard the creak of stairs and grinned to myself. But the foot steps seemed to stop once again at the closed door.

…

Open the fucking door!

…

Now please?

"Strife, just open the damn door! Jeez."

You'd think Strife would be afraid of me or something from the way he hesitantly and cautiously opened the door and stepped into the room. It wasn't like I was going to chew his head off.

"Here… " Strife said, now nearing the end of the bed and holding out the orange before hesitantly looking from me to the orange and back again, seemingly trying to choose his words wisely. "You were… talking. To the baby."

"Yeah, well, the kid's just as stubborn as you."

Sitting up was a pain in the ass, not to mention the kid decided to roll around in my organs again, but hey, you gatta make sacrifices to get what you want and I want that fucking orange. Taking it from Strife's hand, it seemed like the blonde was attempting to flee from the room.

Aw hell naw.

I caught that bastard's wrist and dragged him down to the corner of the bed. Rolled up my shirt and placed his hand onto the fighting little brat in my abdomen.

It was amusing to see Strife's reaction. Eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, I think he was at a loss of words. I on the other had, had the fucking task of peeling the fucking oranges and eating its juicy inside.

"Little guy is kicking around like you when Fenrir got scratched.

Strife still failed to move his hand, but its not like I minded much, I put it there.

I dunno how much timed passed, but it's safe to say that I was nibbling on my third orange piece before Strife withdrew his hands and just stared, before looking at me. Poor guy looked a little lost.

I smirked.

Shoved a little orange slice into the blonde's mouth and just because I felt like it… just because I felt a little fucking daring, I placed a chaste little kiss. Just a brief moment of my lips on his before I chuckled and flopped back down on the bed, eating the rest of my orange. He on the other hand, sat there for a few moments before silently retreating to the hallway.

"G'night Chocobo."

"…Good night… Turk."

**.: T O B E C O N T I N U E D :.  
.:--:.**

**Alright! Since I was so late to update, I made this chapter a little longer as apology. FORGIVE ME.**

'**Kay, now I WAS going to ask what I should name the baby and list a bunch of names… but you know what, I'll just keep that a secret and if you don't like the name I picked out… tough, you'll have to deal. But I'll let you know now, it's not some common name and it won't be all japanesey like… uh, Yuki, or Josh and shit like that. It'll be UNIQUE. CHYEAH. **

**Alrighty, but if you DO have a suggestion on what to name the kid, I'm more than happy to hear them. **

**Now you know the drill. RATE, REVIEW, and the newest SUGGEST. **


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